


Sickness

by kayls



Series: Growing Up/No One Understands [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: ASL, F/M, Hospital, Humanstuck, Mentioned Physical Abuse, deafness, lots of cussing, not that graphic but still, porrim is barely mentioned oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-02
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 23:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1406698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayls/pseuds/kayls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>your name is Kurloz Makara and By God What Have You Done</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sickness

Men aren't supposed to cry, god damn it. That's what your father told you, kicking the back of your injured knee when you came home limping when you were ten, the knee streaming blood and you couldn't really tell if it was a stone or a bone but there was something white. He kicked your knee and called you a pussy and then took you to the hospital, but made sure you knew that your bike, which survived the crash, was getting sold at the next rummage sale to help offset the costs of the ER visit.

So you're crying now, kicking a trashcan because you have no son to humiliate, and maybe now you might be losing her. Meulin caught your fever, but damn she was already sick her immune system a pothole highway shit she's down for the count fuck she lost her hearing and it's kind of all your fault.

You've seen her once since then. She handed you a whiteboard and had some old school books around her-- she took American Sign Language in high school as her foreign language, because “I can't fucking roll my r's.” even though she rolled every 'r' in the sentence when she said it. You saw her and wrote that you were so so sorry, and she just shrugged, told you “Shit happens” but her voice was inconstant, too loud because she can't hear herself and just god damn fuck how do you always manage to hurt the ones you love how do you consistently fuck up like that?

Then she told you that she needed to start studying again, studying her signs and also how to lip-read and just so many things. She asked you to relay the message to a nurse (“The cute one who looks kinda like Porrim” she said, eyebrows waggling) that she wanted some tea if it was okay, and tried to kiss you but you turned away.

You kick the trashcan again, wishing that the little you was standing there instead so you could kick the shit out of him before he fucked up the life of the best person he'd ever known. The only one who had ever listened.

You head home and get high, not on the usual 'catnip' that you distribute liberally among friends as long as they can pay you, but something that your provider told you to start selling. You get high, so high you're manic, panicked but it would be okay if you could just stop thinking about that fucking girl you ruined.

The only one who ever listened.

You have enough sense about you to call 911, tell them that you need an ambulance. They tell you that they dispatch one and it should be there in 10 minutes and they ask you to stay on the line but you hang up. Near your merchandise there's a knife that you've never had to use before, just for intimidation.

You hold it and in anger, in drug-induced hysteria and anger and GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WHY DO YOU RUIN EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH you cut your tongue out because the only person on Earth who listened to you talk is fucking deaf now because of you.

You leave the ugly thing on the ground, stuffing napkins in your mouth and sit on the porch waiting for the EMTs to take you to the hospital and you hope that they give you a room near hers.

But you'd probably still figure out a way to hurt her.

**Author's Note:**

> kind of written really quickly oops.  
> idk i liked it. it was a nice break from all the five million long page things i've been working on lately.  
> also the other ones are all sad.  
> this one is just pissed off.


End file.
